Have you heard of “stinking thinking”, well stinking thinking also occurs within and during our grief. Some of the thoughts we have around our grief and the death of our loved one prolong grief and suffering, and for some reason we hang onto them with a vengeance.
Some thoughts people have running through their minds as they are processing the death of their loved one might be:
1. “If I had only come 3 minutes earlier he would still be alive.”
2. “It should have been me.”
3. “I can’t ever be happy again.”
4. “If I enjoy life again I won’t be honoring…”
5. “There must have been something else I could have done.”
6. “It’s my fault.”
. “Why am I not upset? People are going to think I didn’t love my husband enough if I don’t cry.”
Can you relate to any of the above statements in your grief journey? Many times we hold onto these statements, and they can create negative perpetual feelings that can create chronic issues and feelings of guilt, shame, judgment, etc. When we hold onto negative thoughts in our grief, it can be detrimental if we don’t know where to place these thoughts. They can overwhelm us!
During our last grief group we looked at and examined the “stinking thinking” in our grief. We looked at the thoughts that serve us well and those that are somewhat detrimental to processing our grief. All thoughts and feelings were written on slips of paper, and participants were invited to choose what thoughts and feelings they wanted to hold onto and which ones they were ready to let go of. The negative thoughts and feelings participants were ready to let go off were launched into the garbage as a symbol of readiness and willingness to release that which is no longer serving us.
If you are ready to join us or interested in learning more about our grief group we would be interested in having you. Check out our GRIEF COUNSELING PAGE for more information.
by Katie Lemieux