Marriage Counseling Parents

Lessons Learned from Mom

Mothering it’s a hard job, for sure!   Here is a funny Mother’s Day video to make you laugh. Melissa Mohr show’s you how to… well you just gotta watch the video.  

In honor of Mother’s Day, she’s has some words of wisdom for all mom’s because let’s face it; moms are human beings too. Bad Moms (great movie BTW) showed us what life sometimes feels like for moms with ever increasing societal and family demands.

Mother’s Day reminds me of my work as a couples therapist and how we view motherhood through the lens of relationships. Of course many of you reading this maybe grew up without a mother.  Think about the women or people in your life you played a mother role.  We all have many mom type influences.

Depending on your age and background, your own mother may not have had the same opportunities for career advancement you and your daughters do now. There may have even been laws forbidding your mother from working, or extreme societal pressure not to work. It may have been frowned upon for your mother to want relationship counseling or marriage help.Marriage Counseling Parents

Whether you’re married and a mother, in a relationship, or still single, it’s important to think about the lessons learned from your own parents, about what roles and responsibilities you individually were taught to bring to the relationship and conversely, the roles and responsibilities of your partner.

Considering Parenthood…

Some questions I like to ask couples who are parents or considering having children are:

  • What did you learn about love and relationships from your own mother?
  • What things did you want to incorporate into your relationship/marriage/children based off your parents? What things did you not want incorporate?
  • My core beliefs on parenting are…
  • The thing(s) I love MOST about parenting are…
  • The thing(s) I love LEAST about parenting are…
  • One thing I wish we could change about our parenting is….
  • Something my mom did/taught me that is important to me in our parenting is…
  • Something my dad did/taught me that is important to me in our parenting is…
  • Something my mom did that I didn’t like that when I was a child was…
  • Something my dad did that I didn’t like when I was a child was…

In fact, I’ve got a whole worksheet with 25+ questions you and your partner can ask yourselves or one another about your roles in the marriage as well as a parent.

Asking yourself questions about what you liked, and didn’t like, about your parents, their relationship with you as a child, and their relationship with one another gives you an opportunity to examine your parenting and relationship strategies. You may find you’re repeating the very same behavior you swore you’d never do. There’s a reason we laugh at the joke, “Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out!”

Reflecting on your role as a parent and a partner may be a bit jarring at first, especially if you fall into the category of “I didn’t know I was doing that…” And if you read the above two questions and started sweating, that’s why I’m here. I encourage you to review and/or talk about these questions, despite how difficult some of the questions may be to answer, and use those answers to move you and your partner towards growth.

As you reflect on Mother’s Day either as a mother, grandmother, aunt, step-mother, like a mother or the son or daughter of one, use what your momma gave you, good and bad, to achieve the type of of relationship you want and be the type of partner or parent you want.

If you’re struggling to make some positive change, I’m just a phone call or click away at 954.401.9011 and Katie@FamilyAndCouplesCounseling.com and I’m here to guide you and your partner in your marriage counseling. Talk to you soon!

The Kentucky Derby and Your Marriage

I’m the first one to admit, I’m not much into horse racing, yet there’s something about the Kentucky Derby that is so interesting…

Is it the hats, the roses or the names…

Perhaps it’s the glamorous hats everyone wears which are reminiscent of the fascinators more commonly found in England. It might be the day long event to watch mere seconds of a race. It could be the beautiful rose wreath placed around the winning horse’s neck (Run for the Roses anyone?) Or maybe it’s just the funny names each horse is given, like American Pharoah or Always Dreaming.

While thinking about the Kentucky Derby this year, I found myself wondering the amount of time and energy jockeys dedicate to training for the Kentucky Derby (the most well known of the three races, the Belmont and Preakness Stakes make up the other two of the Triple Crown).

And inevitably, I got to thinking about marriage counseling.

Horse and Home Life

The process of becoming a jockey is lifelong; like an sport, height and weight requirements, in addition to starting at an early age are factors which play predominantly in the jockey’s success. The horse, its temperament, and relationship with the jockey are also contributing factors, much like the saying, “picking a good horse for the race.” For those reading who like to gamble and bet, you might be familiar with the process of picking a racehorse, following the horse’s past wins and losses, style of racing, comfort on a certain track, etc.

How different would our lives be if we devoted the same type of diligence to our marriages? Or whom with whom we chose to have children?

How do you prepare for big moments in your life?

Couples often underestimate the benefits of premarital counseling or How Premarital Questions Can Help You Have a Happy Marriage. Yet marriage counseling is not necessarily only when there are problems or difficulties in the relationship. Healthy couples are always preparing for the next step of relationships, from dating, to the engagement, to marriage, and what happens during the marriage.

Just like the three races of the Triple Crown, relationships go through three phases, from courtship, marriage, to maintenance. Each phase will require different energy, motivation, and responses from the individuals in the relationship. The maintenance required of a relationship with children is much different than that of newlyweds and a new set of skills and resources must be learned and harnessed.

How did you decide to get married? How did you decide to have children? How will you make future decisions about the course of your relationship and family?

Don’t worry about the Derby…

It’s easy to get caught up in the little things; the engagement party, the wedding, the baby shower, etc. It’s only natural. These are big events, with many people in attendance, and we want to make a good impression and have good memories.

I’ll share a little secret with you: these aren’t the only big moments in your life.

The big moments are those in which you’re sitting at dinner and decide that your partner is the one. The day you wake up and feel nothing but joy and happiness with your life, your family, your friends. The time your child shares with you a very large (or small) worry or concern with you and you respond in a kind and supportive way.

These are the big moments in life for which we prepare. If you and your partner need a little help in your marriage to prepare for the next big steps you’ll take, I’m just a phone call or click away at 954.401.9011 and Katie@FamilyAndCouplesCounseling.com and I’m here to guide you and your partner in your marriage counseling. Talk to you soon!

Career Coaching Private Practice

If You Were to Die Today

With Memorial Day approaching this month, a favorite quote of mine comes from F. Scott Fitzgerald. He said, “For what it’s worth… it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. [sic] I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start over again.”

When I coach other entrepreneurs who are opening up a business one of the very first conversations we have is…

What’s your “why”?

The coaching process begins with a pretty big question: “Why?”  No, it isn’t to make money or because I thought I should.  It is way bigger than that.  

  • Why did you even get up in the morning?
  • Why did you become an entrepreneur?
  • Why do you want to offer your services to others?
  • Why will it matter?
  • Why should anyone care?

How will the world change and be a better place because of your work? What is the legacy you want to leave behind after you’re gone?  What is your 100 year goal?  Pretty heavy stuff, right?

Death is uncomfortable…

It’s hard to believe how many days are dedicated to it: El Dia De Los Muertos in Mexico, Good Friday in Christianity, Memorial Day, even Halloween in the United States are just a few of the many celebrations throughout the world which focus on the inevitable: death.

Death doesn’t always have to scare us though, sometimes death can be the motivation we need to succeed.   What would you want people to say about you once you’re gone? Are you living that kind of life you want to? What are the changes you need to make now so that you’re living that life today?  Are you doing the things you dreamed about doing or at least taking actions towards those goals?

When I was in the 8th grade I took course on Death and Dying. As part of the course we had to write our own eulogy. I have since did that exercise several times with the most recent being February 2017.  Have you ever written your own eulogy?  Interesting right?  When I coach people in writing goals we always start with the end in mind and work our way backwards.  If you decided to try this exercise and write your own eulogy starting with “the end” (depends on your beliefs) in mind how close or how far are you away from the person who is being eulogized?  Puts stuff into perspective one way or the other doesn’t it?  Career Coaching Private Practice

Death as motivation…

I want to encourage you to use the idea of your own death as a motivating tool. Do the things which you are afraid of now; do the things that scare you because you think that business venture won’t work, or that you don’t have the money saved up for that trip around the world.

Make a plan and get going on it now, not tomorrow or “someday”.  Live your life like the person whose eulogy you wrote.  If that means traveling the world, be the best parent you can be, making more time for the truly important things or whatever your “it” is, like Nike says, “just do it.”  We aren’t promised tomorrow and there is no better day than today to start living and being your best self.  

Looking to motivate yourself more, resolve old issues in your personal life or relationship? Or maybe you’re finally stepping out of your 9 to 5 doldrum. If you’re looking for a guide to help you get started on your life’s next big adventure, I’m just a click away Katie@FamilyAndCouplesCounseling.com.