… and don’t even realize it!
Happy Fourth of July!
This is the time of year when summer really gets into full swing for most, unless you are reading this from the other side of the equator, lol.
Days are long, thanks to the summer solstice, the weather’s hot, and the fireworks aren’t the only thing exploding.
Some couples especially couples in longer term relationships struggle to keep the romance alive, which is completely normal.
But did you know that some habits are more likely to kill that summer lovin’ faster than others?
If you or your partner engage in any or or all three of these habits then you might want to take a look at your love life to make sure you’re not killing the fireworks.
- You work too much or too little
As a reformed workaholic, believe me when I say, “I get it”. Some of us just love to work.
It might sound a little strange, after all, who really likes to work all the time?
When you are a business owner and just love to create it is an easy trap to fall head over heels and start romancing and spending lots of time with your business rather than your spouse or partner.
Deathbed confessions are ripe with admissions of, “I wish I hadn’t worked so much.”
If you’re a workaholic, chances are something else in your life is taking a back seat and it’s likely your love life or relationship with your partner.
On the flip side, if you work too little, that could be a killer for the mood too.
Doing your fair share of housework, and having interests outside your partner are actually better for the overall satisfaction in your relationship.
It is always a balance between the right amount of individuality and together time.
- Your relationship isn’t a priority
When your relationship isn’t a priority, your partner can tell.
Sometimes, it’s work that gets in the way of relationships.
More likely than not, it’s the 100 other things that feel urgent like the leaking toilet, doctors appointments, in laws, trying to have more than 5 hours of sleep, doing the taxes, watering the grass, relaxing, Facebook, I could go on.
Let’s not forget the number 1 time takers and of course priority … kids, that is of course if you have any.
Most couples report a 67% decrease in marital satisfaction after the birth of their children and it doesn’t go back up again until after the children leave home.
Depending on who you ask will get you a variety of answers yet research seems to point to the fact that babies are needy and take attention from both parents, who then neglect their individual and relationship needs.
But there’s hope!
My rule of thumb and what I tell all the couples that I work with is that you have to make your RELATIONSHIP the number 1 priority over everything else.
I know I hear the gasping over there and the “but what about my kids they are the most important.”
I ask the couples I work with:
- Will you forget to bathe, dress or feed your child?
- Will your forget to pick him up from school?
- Will you forget to take her to the doctor?
- Will you forget to spend time doing something fun with your kids?
You probably answered, “no”. That is exactly the reason your relationship needs to be the priority you are NOT going to forget to be a loving, great parent to your child.
Will you forget to be a loving and caring spouse or partner if you don’t make your relationship a priority… yes.
I tell parents, the best thing you can do for your children is have a loving and healthy relationship whether you are together or not.
Before you read the rest of this, do me a favor and try this fun experiment CLICK HERE and see if you pass the test in #3.
Which leads to…
- You’re not present
How many times do you look at your phone when you’re in the presence of your spouse or partner?
This little convenient electronic which today makes up our lives feels more like a hand held mistress sometimes taking time and attention away from our relationships ( I say relationship”s” because I see this everywhere in all relationships).
Don’t worry, we all get distracted with our phone sometimes but it is important to set some firm boundaries around it.
When your partner isn’t your priority and you’ve got other things on your mind, like work or chores, or your social life, your relationship takes a hit.
I mean would you pull it out on a job interview, while you are being presented an award, during sex? Just saying… put it away, give your spouse your full presence and see what happens.
There is this great quote I have seen before, “being listened to is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.” ~ www.marriagemore.com
Think about a time when you were sharing something with someone and they were so right there with you. It probably felt really good. Give that to your partner or spouse.
Mindfulness is a wonderful tool we can all use when we find ourselves distracted, no matter where we are in life.
By focusing on the here and now, we can more fully experience what life has to offer and that includes our relationships.
So there you have it, the 3 ways you’re killing the fireworks in your relationship.
Do any of these sound familiar? Then don’t hesitate to give me a call so you can put that spark back in your love life today. I’m just a phone call away 954-401-9011.