Taking Time Out for Your Relationship
Cultivating, maintaining and sustaining a relationship takes work. Building a happy, healthy and loving relationship requires dedication, commitment, understanding and a willingness to learn about ourselves and our partners. Just like many areas of our lives, our professions for example, we strive to get better. We may participate in workshops, attend seminars, take online courses and go to trainings to advance our skills and make more money in our professions. When it comes to maintaining our households and personal schedules, we write down errands whether it’s a physical chore board, a note in our phone or a mental checklist like clean the bathroom or do laundry. We assure that we block out time in our schedule to attend to all the things we need to get done whether important, unimportant, or just plain trivial. We write down things we need from the supermarket on our grocery list. Meanwhile, certain responsibilities come second nature to us like picking up the kids from school or walking the dog.
We get so much satisfaction and feel accomplished as we cross off each item from our ever growing to-do lists. We write things down or make mental notes so we don’t forget what they need to do to keep the household running or our professional lives thriving, but many couples forget to take care of and nurture their relationship and one another to keep their partnerships and marriages going. So why don’t we put this much time and effort into our relationships? Why don’t we make to-do lists for our marriages? Why don’t we make our partnerships a priority? Why aren’t we blocking out time in our schedules to connect with our spouse or partner? Furthermore, why aren’t we investing in our relationships as we do with other meaningful things?
I often ask couples if they have ever had any formal training or education on learning how to communicate, what it takes to have a good relationship, or be a good partner. You guessed it, the resounding answer is usually “no”. I mean many of us spend years learning a trade or attending college. We spend our valuable time, hard earned money, and energy growing and advancing ourselves in so many other areas, why wouldn’t we take time to learn about relationships? Relationships are an art form. They are ever evolving, growing, and changing. It is important to seek help from a qualified professional, one who is trained in working with couples to help you and your beloved navigate the sometimes murky waters of being in a relationship.
The Gottman Method
Dr. John Gottman is a pioneer in studying and learning about couples for nearly 40 years. He has researched all types of couples gay and lesbian couples, co-habitating couples, married couples, engaged couples, couples who are struggling, couples who may be on the verge of separation or divorce and couples who just want to enhance their relationship. He has conducted research on thousands of couples in the Love Lab. Through his longitudinal studies, his team and him are able to predict with an average of over 90% accuracy if a couple is going to divorce. He created an approach that uses research based skills to change the way couples interact with one another. His method focuses on things like managing conflict, turning towards instead of away from one another, creating shared meaning, enhancing both emotional and physical intimacy, deepen friendship and keeping a positive perspective. With his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, they developed the Gottman Institute, which provides resources for couples including live workshops, products and services such as books, videos and private retreats. The Gottman Institute also offers a national clinical training program for therapist through their Gottman Method Couples Therapy.
The majority of the work I do is with couples because I love love! I am passionate about helping couples learn ways to connect, communicate and create the desired relationship that they want and deserve. As a practicing couples therapist my work is deeply rewarding, not only do I get to help other couples, but my work helps me be a better person, spouse and partner. If you are ready to do the necessary work, are willing to make an investment in your relationship, and are open to me guiding both of you through the process of learning and practicing new skills to enhance your relationship, then CONTACT ME so we can get to know one another.