Clients Stop Asking Your Therapist “WHY”

Tell me, would you be ok with trying to resolve a problem and not know the “why?” behind it?  Most people aren’t. Time after time I have clients sit in my office wanting to know, “WHY?”  My clients think if they could just figure out “why”, then they can resolve the problem.

“Why do my kids behave the way they do?” – Family Counseling

“Why do you want to get a divorce?” – Couples Counseling

“Why do I keep dating the same person?” – Individual Counseling

“Why do I go back to using drugs each and every time?” – Counseling People Dealing with  Addictions

“Why does my mother act that way towards my husband?” – Individual Counseling

“Why don’t my parents trust me?” – Counseling with Teens

“Why, why, why, why, why…” 

The answer is: knowing “why” doesn’t always make the difference!  Knowing why doesn’t spring us into action.

I know you are thinking I must be crazy, but let’s take a different look, if you are willing…

Answer these questions:

Let’s use weight for an example. Would you agree that either you or the majority of people have wanted to either lose or gain weight at some point in their lives?  Great! Let’s take a further look.

Why are you not the weight you want to be?

Scientific Answer =

More calories in the mouth + less calories burned = weight gain

Less calories in the mouth + more calories burned = weight loss

Would you say it is pretty safe to agree on the above?

Great, so now that we know ‘why’, people still aren’t the weight they want to be and there are thousands of diets out there that work, WHY are people not getting the results that they want? The answer is simple, knowing “why” doesn’t CHANGE behavior, patterns, thinking, etc.

If you are willing, try these notions on for size even if just for a moment:

  1. “The solution has nothing to do with the problem.”
  2. “We don’t have to analyze the problem in order to solve it.”
  3. “Focusing on the problem may actually be unhelpful.”  The more your focusing on something the more you create it.
  4. “We don’t even know what the problem is in order to solve it.” (this one sounds pretty hard to get your head around, doesn’t it?”) 

These notions come from Solution Focused Brief Therapy.  I get that it can be hard to grasp and if you are willing to try these ideas on they can be INCREDIBLY powerful!

For more information or to schedule an appointment to start living from the solution CONTACT US!

PS – You don’t have to wait until the New Year to start.  “WHY” not start now?


by Katie Lemieux

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