Beat Back to School Stress the Easy Way
“Back to school, back to school…” Adam Sandler iconized the phrase in “Billy Madison”. But what does “back to school” really mean for some couples, especially those couples with children? For some, this is a long awaited reprieve from the carefree days of summer when their children have copious amounts of free time and relaxed bedtimes. Other couples, those who may be returning to school for continuing education or those who are school employees, may find there’s far less free time for all the fun things in a relationship, like travel and leisure time together. Even those individuals without children or without a partner in the school systems have certainly noticed the increase in the traffic around rush hour as school zones take hold of the once school bus-less streets.
No matter which side of the coin you find yourself on, chances are the arrival of a new school year is felt in your family. Those of you with teenagers may be struggling to understand why your teen finds it necessary to stay up into the wee hours of the morning, only to fight with you on an early wake up for the first day of school. Turns out, they’re wired that way: the National Sleep Foundation found that teens typically cannot fall asleep before 11 pm. Frustrations with teens, rushed mornings, and a readjustment to old or new routines can cause stress in relationships.
Many couples I work with look for ways to manage the stress of returning to school (either themselves or their children). Something I always recommend is to get on a schedule. Kids (not to mention adults too) thrive off of routines and having a stable routine can increase a child’s success, both academically and emotionally. Additionally, having a schedule helps keep you and your partner on track and can limit minor disagreements, like who’s going to pick up the kids after school or daycare and who’ll be responsible for dinner. Some couples say they find it impossible to set a schedule, someone is always forgetting or life is simply too chaotic to control. While it may be true, an extremely rigid schedule isn’t going to work for everyone, having some sort of routine even if it’s just waking up at the same time every day can do wonders for family functioning. A positive (notice I mention positive) routine can actually increase your happiness. And chances are if you’re feeling happier, this happiness will rub off on your family members too.
Families run into problems when there is no routine and in essence the lack of routine becomes routine for the family. Late nights lead to rushed mornings, which lead to feelings of frustration and maybe even a hurtful exchange between two or more family members. It may seem simple, but I encourage you and your family to find one routine to stick to this new school year, whether it’s waking up at the same time every day of the week, doing one thing together when the family first gets home or just before going to bed, or even a positive group text message during the day at lunch time. You might find that as the family stress of the school year melts away, so do some relationship stresses as well. Find something the whole family can do and stick with with it for at least two months, not worrying whether or not you complete the task everyday, but trying not to miss more than 2 days in a row.
Of course, if you find yourself and your partner still struggling to get your relationship and your family on a routine, I’m always here to help.
It’s important to note that the information Leisa shares is specific to the state of Florida; however, you can gain some insight on mediation and if you have specific questions regarding your state we recommend you consult an attorney in your state.
Allyson Tomchin is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator, and a Qualified Parenting Coordinator in the tri-county area of Miami, Broward and Palm Beach Counties. Her strength lies in developing relationships with an eye toward reaching a goal. The unique element that she brings to her work is a total focus on you and your success. She is driven in her efforts toward helping her clients reach their maximum potential. Allyson has a private practice in Hollywood and Boca Raton, Florida. She is an Adjunct Professor of Social Work at Florida Atlantic University and a contributor to South Florida Parenting Magazine. She is married, has four children, and a Yorkie named King Harry.
Tammy Berman is a licensed mental health counselor that has been in practice for over 13 years. She graduated with a Honors Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology from the University of Western Ontario in Canada, moved to Florida in 2001, and completed a Masters of Science in Mental Health Counseling at Nova Southeastern University. She has worked with clients suffering from severe and persistent mental illness, addiction, depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, self injurious behaviors, family issues, and difficulties with life transitions. Recently, Tammy has devoted her time to working with individuals and couples in strengthening their relationships and in transitioning through the divorce process. She recently became a Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator, a Parenting Coordinator, and a Mental Health Facilitator of the Collaborative Process. She is committed to helping couples, individuals and families reduce the potentially damaging effects that a divorce can have on their well-being, family relationships, and quality of life. She currently practices in Plantation, Florida.
Drs. Paul Maione and Melissa Bridges are licensed marriage and family therapists and co-founders of Couples on the Brink, a place where couples can get intensive help when they are in crisis and on the verge of splitting up. Over the last ten years they have helped hundreds of couples from around the country to repair, reconnect, and redefine their marriage or primary relationship. Their relationship changing intensive programs provide a viable option to traditional hourly counseling sessions for couples on the brink of splitting up.
Michelle Scharlop is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Plantation, Florida. She has over a decade of experience in working with all types of relationships such as dating, premarital, married, parent/adult child and adult siblings. As a Relationship Expert she specializes in communication issues, conflict resolution, infidelity, infertility, blended families and life transitions. She is a clinical member of Amercian Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, an approved Premarital Provider for Broward County and an Expert Therapist for 
Sophie Frabotta (Fra-boat-a) is a life coach, spiritual entrepreneur, and possibilitarian. She has her Master’s Degree in Transpersonal Psychology with a specialty in Spiritual Psychology and works with six aspects of human existence: Body, emotions, mind, expression, spirit, and heart. (BE MESH)
Leisa Wintz received a Bachelor’s Degree from the College of Charleston in Psychology in 2000 and immediately took her first public interest job as a case manager for a family homeless shelter. It was here that she first had the opportunity to advocate for her clients and speak on their behalf. In 2003, she began law school at the University of Miami and interned during her 1st year at the 11th Circuit, Domestic Violence Division. During this time, she found that much of her work and that of the attorneys she worked with lacked client contact. Disappointed, she requested a leave of absence in order take a few months to explore other career alternatives. During this time, she discovered Marriage and Family Therapy and was fascinated by this new, holistic and systemic approach to helping families in crisis, so entered into a master’s program.
Nicole Gordon is a licensed marriage and family therapist, practicing in South Florida, both in-office and in clients’ homes. Nicole grew up in Miami, and has traveled many places internationally to learn about different cultures and history, particularly about many different culinary techniques and practices. In her spare time, Nicole can usually be found at the dog park with her Lhasa Apso or in the kitchen trying to make something new. With her passion for cooking and for helping people, she moves clients into the kitchen to utilize the way in which people orient to food and its preparation in therapeutic ways. Nicole has been in the mental health field for over ten years, received her Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy from Nova Southeastern University, and is a PhD Candidate in the same program, focusing her dissertation, appropriately, on Cooking Therapy with Couples. Nicole has experience in treating a variety of issues includi ng grief, infidelity, divorce, autism, self esteem, depression, anxiety, and more.