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Deceased Loved Ones Are Near During Grief Group

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street-sign-blankEveryone has their own beliefs about what happens when we die.  Many people believe that their loved ones live on in some way, form or fashion.  When our loved ones die many of us find comfort and noticing “signs” that they are still around.

As a therapist who facilitates grief groups I always enjoy hearing about the signs people experience that is an indication that their loved ones are still near.  I often hear about butterflies or a pesky bug that no matter where a person goes it just seems to be “following them”.

Last night during grief group one of our members was sharing about her husband.  She shared that her sign from him is rainbows and shortly after the song, “Over the Rainbow” came on, and she burst into tears stating that, “this song was played at his celebration”.  She knew in that moment he was there with us dropping by to say “hello”.

During our group in February the AC was broken, and it was a bit hot.  We were informed that the repair folks were coming tomorrow to fix it, a little too late for us.  Two of our participants were sharing stories about signs they have received from their loved ones in forms of electronic happenings.  I love one of our group members stories about the “unrepairable ice machine”.   Despite several attempts to fix the ice machine not only by the group member but also repair men coming to the house the line for the ice would continuously freeze creating an inability to have ice.  This occurred over 3 years of having the refrigerator.  After the group member’s loved one had died, the ice machine one day started working without any intervention, and it has been working ever since. So after all this talk off signs interestingly enough the room appeared much cooler as if the AC had repaired itself.  I don’t know what you believe but many believe someone’s loved one had been with us during our group, and most likely they will continue to come by revealing themselves, often in subtle ways.

If you are struggling with the death of a loved one and feel like you need some extra support feel free to come by one of our grief groups, for more information CLICK HERE.

by Katie Lemieux

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What Does Fried Lemonade Have To Do With Enhancing Your Relationship?

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Wow, some time has passed since I have reached out to you all or “y’all” as they say in Texas. I just flew back Sunday night from Dallas and had the pleasure of meeting some really cool folks all the while getting to expand my “Treasure Box” of interventions and tools to help couples. I also took a spin by the state fair, did you know that they serve “Fried Lemonade” there! I had to consult Google to really understand it. It was a frenzy of fried food – Fried Oreos, Fried Pumpkin Pie, Fried Butter, and the list went on.

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While in Dallas, I attended the Gottman Level III conference this past week and weekend put on by National Marriage Seminars. My practice continues to expand with a keen focus on couples work. I think it is because I just love, love and want to help others remember why they fell in love and help them create AMAZING relationships. So what does “Fried Lemonade” have to do with having a better relationship…trying new things of course! I mean, unless you are a Texaner I bet you have never tried Fried Lemonade either. I wanted to share with you a few fun ideas. Drs. Julie and John Gottman, the creators of the researched based “Gottman Method of Couples Therapy”, identify 3 main areas in helping couples expand their relationship. Those 3 areas are: Managing Conflict, Building on Friendship, and Creating Shared Meaning.

I personally love the “Building on Friendship” area because it fits with my fresh, fun, and clever side.  Here are 10 NEW things I recommend to build on your friendship and make things FUN in a stressful world.

1. Buy a board game and have game night.

2. Grab the game Loaded Questions and just ask one another questions or text them to each other during the day. You can utilize this as a family game as well. Great way to engage those teens too! I have used this in working with teens, you get to tap into their world in a whole new way.

3. I came across this cool book written by Dr. Michele O’Mara an Indiana based therapist. She has a very focused practice working with lesbian and transgender couples. She wrote a book called, “Just Ask: 1000 Questions to Grow Your Relationship.” Here is a fun one, question #361 – “Do you have any routines or behaviors that you engage in every day that many others do not?”  I know you are thinking about this right now, and your answer is…????

4. Gottman – Love Map Cards, This deck of cards helps you understand one another’s world. You can play these cards in a variety of ways. Answer them yourself, answer them about each other, or my favorite… answer them about your mate through a friendly and fun game of Pictionary. If you ever decide to enter couples counseling with me we can DEFINITELY play this, just remind me!

5. Gottman – Building Ritual of Connections and Opportunity Cards.  This is a GREAT way to talk about ways to connect with your partner.  For example what are your rituals when you: depart in the morning?  come back together at the end of the day?  are away on a trip?

6. I came across this book in the store.  “What I Love About You and Me.” I just recently ordered it.  It is a fill in the blank book.  It will get you and your other half talking about the love you have for one another.

airplane7. Make a bucket list together.  I am adding to mine – “fly first class to a foreign country with my beloved beside me.”  What is on yours?

8. Take a class together. I met a Texas based therapist, Stephanie Coker of Coker Counseling, who did a couples improv comedy class with her husband. How fun is that! I will be looking for one of those in my state.

9. Act out a love scene of a movie, over dramatize it just for fun!

10. Check out the “If…” books. Here is one, “If…On The Game of Love.” One of the questions from the book is, “If you could have a massage from anyone famous, who would it be?”

BONUS – this one comes from a  really cool couple I currently work with. They introduced me to the “Heads Up” app.  We actually played it at the start of a session.  I love when the people I work with teach me new and cool things!  They play it everywhere and anywhere.

So, I just gave you 10 FUN things to do with your beloved, friends, family, teens, anyone really, AND I made it REALLY easy for you.  Even though you should probably be working just click on a hyperlink of one of the things that might interest you and if it moves you, order it and take TOTAL credit when you bring it home to your other half.  Tell him or her that YOU thought of this cool and creative idea unless he or she read this blog then that won’t go over so well. Either way, I won’t be offended by you taking full credit, just email me the result of trying one of these 10 things and that will be all the reward I need… YOU having a more fulfilling relationship. See you soon!

by Katie Lemieux

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How to Overcome Fear

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Check out Katie Lemieux, LMFT – Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist of “Lemieux Solutions Unlimited, LLC” and Sophie Frabotta – Certified Life Coach of “LSS Harmony” as they talk about how to overcome fear from their own personal experiences.

We all have fear, but how do we turn that fear into an opportunity for growth, possibilities and moving to the next level? Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Katie Lemieux says to meet it head on and go after it while Certified Life Coach, Sophie Skover Frabotta talks about creating and finding your courage when faced with fear. They share how facing your fear with courage advances you to the next level of growth – spiritual, mental, emotional and physical. Counselors and Life Coaches can assist you in moving through your fears into achieving your goals and dreams, so what are you waiting for? Is fear in your way…???

For more information visit:
www.LSSHarmony.com
www.FamilyandCouplesCounseling.com

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The “Weird” Things We Do In Our Grieving

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For most people who are grieving they feel so isolated in their grief like no one understands or can possibly imagine what they might be going through.  Although we could not possibly understand the exact experience of someone else,  we can relate to certain feelings, thoughts and/or experiences of another.  Although I caution people to say, “I understand”, most people who have dealt with a loss and experienced grief can relate to the feelings and experiences that people feel while grieving. It might be better to say, “I have had those feelings/thoughts/experiences too.” or “I can relate to what you are saying.”

During our last grief group we examined and experienced our connection in the grief journey. Each member stated a feeling, thought or experience she or he was having and others acknowledged if they too have felt this way or experienced something similar. We created a web of connection.

Some of these things were:death+loss+and+grief+free+bereavement+group

  • Guilt
  • Shame
  • Anger
  • Remorse
  • Wishing “if I could have one more moment”, “if i just said…”,  “if I just did…”
  • Confusion
  • A feeling of being punished that their loved one was taken away
  • As sense of connection as if their loved one was still here
  • Numbness
  • Denial
  • A feeling that no one understands or could possibly understand
  • Loss of Faith
  • Doing “weird things” – like keeping letters or clothes after months or years after the death smelling them or preserving them, buying the favorite food the loved one liked even though no one will eat it because no one accept the loved one liked that special treat, leaving the other side of the bed untouched for your spouse or partner, maintaining a similar routine as if your loved one was still alive, ironing your loved ones clothes and placing the clothes back in the closet, putting a place setting out for dinner even though your loved one never comes, speaking to their picture or urn, and the list goes on.

I often remind people that what they are doing is not “weird”.  People are managing the best they can within their grief.   Often, these “weird” behaviors are healthy and quite normal.  Most people who are experiencing a loss and are grieving probably are doing some “weird” behavior(s) that they too dare wouldn’t share for fear or concern of judgment or criticism.  The interesting thing is that the majority of people who are grieving are probably doing some form of “weird” thing too.  When sharing with others in a safe and comfortable environment how might just come to see just how connected you are!  It might offer you a source of support.  See you next month on the 3rd Tuesday at 7:15pm.  For more information visit our Group Counseling page.

I thank each and every one of our participants.  It takes courage to attend, share, listen and just be there with us.

by Katie Lemieux

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Self Care During Our Grief Journey

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Grieving takes a lot of work and a lot of energy out of us!

Often after the funeral ends and friends and family go home the toughest days are upon us.  These days don’t dissipate just because we “look ok”, “act ok”, “seem ok” or even laugh.

Grief can be exhausting, lonely, and at times difficult to manage.  Grief often is a moment-by-moment journey.   I like to look at grief as an opportunity to re-discover ourselves.  It takes time to get there and re-invest in life, but it does happen if you are willing, get support, reach out, and share.

This past week during our bereavement group at Coral Springs Funeral Home we looked at self-care during the grieving process.  We looked at things that deplete our energy and also nourish and uplift us up.  Check out the diagram below and follow these simple directions.  You can do this on your own, with you family, friends or someone who loves and supports you.  It is a conversation you can have over coffee, tea, a dessert or anything you fancy.

  1. Put your name in the middle.
  2. Anything that takes away from you or depletes your energy put on the outside of the circle.  These things can be people, conversations, habits, behaviors, thoughts, situations, actions, etc.
  3. Anything that nourishes you put on the inside of the circle.  These are things that give back to you, lift you up, and support you.
  4. Have a conversation with others to generate more ideas and possibilities.
  5. Keep this exercise in your consciousness because as you live your day-to-day life you will discover other things that both deplete you and nourish you.
  6. With new awareness around what depletes you and what nourishes you, you get to choose what is best for you from moment to moment.  It increases your own resources during your grief journey.

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If you liked this exercise and can see how coming to a bereavement group might be beneficial to you we would love for you to come join us.  CLICK HERE for details of where and when we meet.  Our Bereavement Groups are ALWAYS complimentary to ALL participants.

By Katie Lemieux

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What Dad Taught Me About Money, Finances, and Life

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As Father’s Day approaches I am reminded of my dad, as many of you may be.  I like to generalize both Father’s Day and Mother’s Day to think about the men and women who have impacted our lives in a positive way.  Sometimes it is our parents and sometimes it isn’t.

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When I think about my dad, I think about the teachings of money.  My dad never really “talked” to us about money rather he demonstrated and showed us about money.  I remember going to the bank every other Saturday to put a portion of our allowance in the bank.  It was a tradition. We would get up Saturday, drive down to the bank, and deposit our money.  I don’t remember what I was saving for, but I do remember how excited I was to watch my balance grow.  He showed me how to keep track of my money on a registry, fill out a deposit slip, and speak to the teller, remember this was before the days of internet and online banking.

I remember when I turned 16 and was ready to drive.  My dad came in my room and handed me the bill for my car insurance.  I took the bill and after he left the room I cried.  I thought, “How unfair, none of my friends had to pay for theirs.  Their parents all paid their car insurance and gas!”  What teenager doesn’t think his or her parents are “unfair”.  Unbeknownst to me my dad was teaching me valuable life lessons.  Some of these lessons were learning the value of money, how much things cost, hard work, appreciation, and the delay of gratification, something often lacking these days in our fast food, “have it now” world.  These life lessons have paid off in a BIG way as an adult.  I am glad to say I am financially sound.  When I look at many of my friends of the same age, many of them have an exuberant amount of debt, they live beyond their means, have no retirement, no ownership of anything, etc.

Looking back over my childhood I appreciate my dad and his teachings.  I appreciate how he taught me about money.  He created experiential learning, true life lessons and for that I am grateful.  Thanks Dad for teaching me how to make my piggy bank perpetually happy by keeping it fed!

~ Kate

PS – I would love to hear about the positive things your dad or someone like a dad has taught you.

by Katie Lemieux

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101 Things I Am Happy About – A Look Over 1 Week

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positive+psychology+happiness+depression+anxiety+i+want+to+be+happyAs a therapist I seek to help people look at and EXPAND the positive things in their lives.  At EVERY session I always start off by asking the people I work with, “What is going well since I last saw you?”  I train them to begin to look at small progress, things that make them happy, things that are changing for the better, etc.

As a therapist I have a strong belief that I won’t ask a client to do what I haven’t already done or what I would be unwilling to do myself, so today I thought I would challenge myself and look over a week in my life and come up with 101 things that I am happy about.

Here is my list and I would love to hear what your list is.  Remember it doesn’t have to be big, something simple, something small, something that puts a smile on your face.

1.  Shaun T. – he is my workout buddy 5 days a week.  I love T-25!

2.  Apple TV – I love that what I put on my computer can pop up on my TV for all to see.  I often use this during Friday supervision with my registered (and AWESOME) interns I might add.

3.  My spouse

4.  My comfy bed

5.  My sweet dog

6.  Dr. Oz

7.  Dr. Alejandro Junger’s 3 different detox diets for cleansing your body

8.  My ability to communicate

9.  My ability to see things systemically

10.  Tony Horton – P 90 X

11.  My friends

12.  My upbringing

13.  My “Connecticutness”

14.  Living in South Florida – there is just so much to do!

15.  Presenting in Orlando this weekend with my amazing colleague – Dr. Kate Campbell

16.  My presenting skills

17.  The word “FUN” and knowing how to use it and what to do with it

18.  My kayaking trip with my friend Duane Lawrence with Primerica

19.  Knowledge

20.  Youtube – I have learned to create a toga, make a zombie costume, and many more cool things.

21.  Google – who doesn’t love Google

22.  Starbucks

23.  Free stuff

24.  Coupons – I LOVE using coupons and getting cool deals

25.  Connections

26.  New recipes that are yummo!

27.  Having face to face time with friends and family where we get to connect

28.  My anticipation and excitement of my Alaska trip

29.  Being able to see glaciers in Alaska

30.  Being financially sound

31.  The universe

32.  Allowing myself to be divinely and intuitively guided

33.  The 10 – 15 minutes each day my spouse and I talk, connect, work through and tackle things in our life and relationship

34.  “Sleep in Sundays” – this is more of a fantasy, every so often I do sleep in but most often not really

35.  Taking a nap

36.  Stretching myself

37.  Seeing challenges as life lessons

38.  National Marriage Seminars

39.  Lori and Chris Cambas from Couple Strong

40.  Facebook and being able to see peoples’ lives grow, develop and transition

41.  My mentor – Dr. Annalynn Schooley

42.  The plethora of referrals from people I know over the last month

43.  Getting a good deal on 500 flyers from Overnight prints for my Bereavement Group I do with Coral Springs Funeral Home

44.  Amazon Prime – enough said!  Love them! Why didn’t anyone tell me sooner about that???

45.  The opportunity Neiko Shea has given me with working with birth moms with Gift of Life Adoptions

46.  Being witness to my clients achieving their goals right before my eyes

47.  Watching a client empower herself and being clean for 5 weeks

48.  Jokes

49.  My humor

50.  Sharing laughs

51.  Dunkin Donut coupons

52.  “Hook ups” – I get a lot of free or reduced priced things

53.  Peace and Calm

54.  Self Discovery Life Mastery

55.  Free legal advise from my friend and colleague Attorney Leisa Wintz, Esq. from Solaris Law Group

56.  The 3 new pair of shoes I got at Marshalls – so cool

57.  My shifted and transformed relationship with money

58.  David Lawrence of Image2Site.com – my web designer who has put in countless hours helping me get my new website off the ground

59.  My new website – I can’t wait to show all of you!

60.  Networking events

61.  Having so many opportunities that there is just no way to attend everything

62.  Trying new things like “mint flavored chlorophyl” who knew…

63.  Creating more time and space in my schedule

64.  My amazing registered interns

65.  Having a talent for what I do

66.  Patience

67.  The Gottman Method of Couples Counseling – which has changed both my practice and relationship

68.  My car – it gets me everywhere I need to go, never a hassle. My car’s name is “Nike” because it looks like a cross trainer sneaker – do you name your car?

69.  Sharing resources with people that they are jazzed about

70.  Colleagues

71.  Maintaining contact and having personal relationships with the many people I supervised and led over the years

72.  Being there when others need you

73.  Jammies – I love PJs and workout clothes – so comfy

74.  That I am 27 things away from finishing this list

75.  The ocean

76.  Feeling good

77.  Sleeping well

78.  Being able to be honest, open and authentic

79.  Thinking about Father’s Day and what my dad taught me about finances and money through role modeling

80.  The woman who created the 18 guidelines for her son’s iPhone use including that “you will mess up and that is ok. We will talk about.  You will lose your phone, but just remember I am on your team…”  How cool is that!

81.  Shawanna Walls cupcakes – yum!

82.  BAMFTs upcoming Supervisor/Supervisee Meet and Greet

83.  Being successful

84.  Buying new fun jewelry

85. Thinking about going on a cruise with my mom or as she would call it, “a real vacation” as we have never been on one together.  The cruise also happens to be on her birthday

86.  Things ALWAYS working out

87.  Trusting in the universe and knowing that everything is “perfect” exactly the way it is

88.  Hearing about and experiencing my friend’s pregnancy woos first hand

89.  Hearing my friends have “aha” moments

90.  Being apologized to

91.  Apologizing

92.  Teaching my dog a new trick – “shake”

93.  Realizing that it took me only 40 minutes to come up with and type this list and I have 9 more to go

94.  Being offered opportunities

95.  PMA – Present Moment Awareness & Mindfulness

96.  My supervisees making me proud and watching their growth

97.  The smell of birthday cake candle

98.  Anticipating watching “22 Jump Street”

99.  Dunkin Donuts having any size ice tea for $1.05

100.  Valuing myself and my time

101.  Love – xoxo

As I finish my list I realize there are so many more things I could be putting on here.  I challenge you to make your list and strengthen your Attitude of Gratitude!  Who is up for the challenge?

by Katie Lemieux

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Purging “Stinking Thinking” During Grief Group

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Have you heard of “stinking thinking”, well stinking thinking also occurs within and during our grief.  Some of the thoughts we have around our grief and the death of our loved one prolong grief and suffering, and for some reason we hang onto them with a vengeance.

Some thoughts people have running through their minds as they are processing the death of their loved one might be:

1.  “If I had only come 3 minutes earlier he would still be alive.”

2.  “It should have been me.”

3.  “I can’t ever be happy again.”

4.  “If I enjoy life again I won’t be honoring…”

5.  “There must have been something else I could have done.”

6.  “It’s my fault.”

.  “Why am I not upset?  People are going to think I didn’t love my husband enough if I don’t cry.”

stinking+thinking+thought+stopping+cognitive+behavioral+therapy+grief+groups+broward+free+bereavement+groups

Can you relate to any of the above statements in your grief journey?  Many times we hold onto these statements, and they can create negative perpetual feelings that can create chronic issues and feelings of guilt, shame, judgment, etc.  When we hold onto negative thoughts in our grief, it can be detrimental if we don’t know where to place these thoughts.  They can overwhelm us!

During our last grief group we looked at and examined the “stinking thinking” in our grief.  We looked at the thoughts that serve us well and those that are somewhat detrimental to processing our grief.  All thoughts and feelings were written on slips of paper, and participants were invited to choose what thoughts and feelings they wanted to hold onto and which ones they were ready to let go of.  The negative thoughts and feelings participants were ready to  let go off were launched into the garbage as a symbol of readiness and willingness to release that which is no longer serving us.

If you are ready to join us or interested in learning more about our grief group we would be interested in having you.  Check out our GRIEF COUNSELING PAGE for more information.

by Katie Lemieux

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15 Ways to Make Your Relationship Sizzle This Summer

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Are you ready for some fresh, fun and clever tips to make your relationship sizzle like the summer heat??? Perfect, then keep reading!

  1. Share an ice cream cone and feed each other.
  2. Take a trip to the beach, a park or any place you deem a natural beauty.   Spread out a blanket, sit on a bench or a rock and take an oath of at least 15 minutes of silence.  Just be in the space with nature and your partner.   Utilize all your 5 senses to fully experience this moment.  When the time is up, turn face-to-face, touch, and talk about your experience and what you noticed.
  3. Sit in a quiet place face-to-face, Indian style or on chairs.  One partner closes his/her eyes and the other partner gently caresses the other one (the partner being caressed keeps his/her eyes closed) for 5 minutes.  Touch the face, ears, hands, fingertips, knees, back of neck, etc.  Partner one breath deeply in and out and focus ALL your attention on each touch.  After the 5 minutes is up open your eyes, and both of you share about your experience, then switch.
  4. Skinny Dip – PS – make sure you don’t get caught.
  5. BBQ sauce isn’t just for chicken or for a summer BBQ – lick the BBQ sauce off your partner’s fingers.
  6. Wrestle in the water.  Make it a game where the winner wins and the loser wins!
  7. Recreate and relive a summer memory the 2 of you enjoyed.
  8. After a day out enjoying the summer sun, bathe one another; don’t forget to apply lotion after your shower or bath.  I can’t be responsible for what happens after or before that, for that matter.
  9. For fun and for “old times sake” write a love letter to your sweetie in your handwriting and mail it to him or her.  You can even send it to his or her work.
  10. Sit by a campfire or make your own, roast marshmallows and feed each other S’mores.  Use other ingredients like your favorite chocolate bar or a different type of “cracker”.  Just for, fun, together, create a new name for it.
  11. Red lights = kisses, at each red light give one another a kiss.
  12. Do an Internet search for “sex tips” and try several of them out.
  13. Find a roof top or somewhere secluded and watch the sunset or sunrise, pair this intimate moment with delicious foods and/or drink.
  14. Declare War – have a squirt gun fight.
  15. Looking to build and create trust, then take your sweetheart rock climbing.  This is a great way to increase trust in your partner and increase your listening and communication.

* Did you like these 15 tips to make your relationship sizzle?  If so sign up for our newsletter to receive more great tips.

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by Katie Lemieux

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A Personal Story – To My Mom With Love On Mother’s Day

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On Monday I was walking out of my private practice wondering, “what am I going to get my mom for Mother’s Day?” I am sure that many of you have been wondering that same thing.  I am not the type of person to “get something because it is a special day.” I like to do and buy things for people on a whim, as a surprise or just because, but I wanted to do something special for her. Then, it dawned on me…I am going to write a blog dedicated to my mom, so here it goes…

Like many mothers and daughters my mom and I didn’t always have the best relationship.  As one could imagine, there were many bumps, twists, and turns along the way, and now our relationship is as clear and beautiful as the island waters.   It took a lot of work, commitment and dedication on both our parts to make it smooth sailing to those tranquil, crystal, and blue waters.  We were committed to having an amazing relationship, and now we do!

My mom, just like many of yours (or those of you who have women that are like mothers) is an amazing person.  She is intelligent, giving, spiritual, dedicated, and loving.  She is devoted to making a difference in the lives of others, and she does.  She is funny, joyful, playful, and silly.  She loves life and dances in it.  She has always given me space to spread my wings and grow.  She is a great support, is ever present and always there.

Sometimes it is like I have my mom right in my pocket.  I am ALWAYS quoting her – in session, to my friends, and to others who in a moment might need to hear something that will empower them.  There are many of my mom’s quotes that I live by.  My clients often hear me say, “my mom says” or “my mom always said” or “one of the things my mom says is…”.

So, today I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge my mother, and thank her for the AMAZING person she is, continues to become, and for all the things she has done for me in my life and continues to do.  Thank-you for allowing me to have the space to create who I am with your ever-present love and guiding support.  I love you and thank-you for loving me!

My mom and I
My mom and I

I ask you to take a moment and reflect on the amazing women in your life and share with them how special they are, how they have impacted you, and the specific things they have done or said to make a difference in your life!  To women, to mothers, to those who love and love us!  Have a beautiful Friday and weekend, thanks for reading!