Loss – is the feeling of grief when someone has died or something of value is no longer. Loss can come in many forms:
- Divorce or a relationship breakup
- Death of a loved one or pet
- Loss of health – illness or accident
- Loss of a dream or a future
- Loss of a job or financial stability
- Loss of a friendship
- A termination of a pregnancy
- Loss of social status
- A life cycle transition
- Loss of freedom or independence
- Loss of sobriety
A Story on the Termination of a Pregnancy – “My Unknown Angel” “The loss of a pregnancy is a very significant loss whether it is a miscarriage, still born, or a termination for medical reasons; it is absolutely devastating. The experience can be a very lonely one. It is the loss of a dream of a life yet to live. The love I had for a being I never met and only felt was profound and the loss left a hole in my soul. My friends and family struggled on what to say. They could not comprehend the level of my grief as they have never met my unborn miracle.”
~ A Handprint on My Heart
Grief – is a normal reaction to a loss. It can encompass a wide range of emotions, thoughts, behaviors, and questions. Responses can be physical, emotional, behavioral, and cognitive. Each person’s experience of grief is different.
Emotional: sadness, yearning, frustration, guilt, regret, anger, hopelessness, despair, confusion…
Physical: sleep problems, change in appetite, lethargy, illness…
Behavioral: laughing, crying, sharing feelings and memories, isolating, displaying anger, engaging in activities, avoiding…
Cognitive: dreaming about the deceased or loss, replaying the loss or death over and over, thinking you could have done something to prevent the death or loss, thinking of the losses yet to come, questioning your faith, or worrying about responding to people who ask about the death or loss…
Adult Grief Resources
- 12 Important Tips for Adults on Helping Children Grieve – Blog
- Grief Groups, Resources, Support & Events – Healing Hearts – Coral SpringsContact – Bob Resciniti – President, Bereaved Dad – angelbobby13@gmail.com
- Complimentary Adult Bereavement Groups – Plantation – Bonaventure Church (non-religious group), 2nd Wednesday of the month at 7pm. Contact – Marsha Levine-Arias, LCSW –
- Complimentary Adult Grief Groups – Coral Springs Funeral Home – every 3rd Tuesday @ 7:15 pm
- Complimentary Grief Groups – Death by Suicide – Coral Springs, Fort Lauderdale, Hollywood, Weston – https://fisponline.org/survivors-info/support-groups/
- Marla Berger, LMHC – grief and loss counseling for adults & children – Delray, FL (E) Info@BergerCounselingServices.com (W) https://www.bergercounselingservices.com
- Grief Resources & Support for Death by Suicide – American Foundation of Suicide Prevention
- Weekly Grief Groups (LBGT Focused but open to anyone) – Sunshine Cathedral MCC located at 1480 SW 9th Avenue, Fort Lauderdale 33315. This group is limited to 10 – 12 individuals. Please contact Rev. Anne Atwell at 954-462-2004 ext. 208 or anne@sunshinecathedral.net.
- Florida Initiative for Suicide Prevention – Survivors of Suicide Loss Support Groups
Children’s Grief Resources
Talking about and discussing death with children can be a tricky subject depending on the child’s age, level of maturity, understanding of death, circumstances around the death, and relationship to the deceased. At times, adults can find themselves at a loss on what to tell children. This can lead to adults avoiding children’s questions in effort to not say the “wrong thing”.
- 12 Important Tips for Adults on Helping Children Grieve – Blog
- Marla Berger, LMHC – grief and loss counseling for adults & children – Delray, FL (E) Info@BergerCounselingServices.com (W) https://www.bergercounselingservices.com
- Tomorrow’s Rainbow – Coconut Creek – Grief Support for Children
- Family Lives On – honors and creates a tradition that is carried out every year until the child turns 18 years old.
- Center for Child Counseling – Palm Beach County
- Children’s Bereavement Center & Nova Southeastern University – Davie, FL – Free Support Groups every Wednesday
Grief’s Timetable
Grief has no timetable, and there is no one way to grieve. For some, grief lasts several months and for others it can last years. Most people are able to eventually return to their normal day to day activities and find enjoyment again in life, with moments and bouts of sadness when thinking about the loss or deceased.
Healing from Grief
People are resilient and often turn to faith, friends and family for support as they begin the process of recovery and healing during their times of grief and loss. For some, grieving can feel insurmountable and never-ending, and they are unable to return to normal everyday activities. If you or someone you know are experiencing feelings of wanting or wishing to die or turning to alcohol, drugs or other addictions to cope seeking a consultation from a qualified professional may be beneficial. At Lemieux Solutions Unlimited, LLC we are here to help and support you and your family during your time of healing.
Transitions
There are many transitions people and families go through when adjusting to a death or loss. Death and loss can bring on unexpected changes people do not anticipate. This can create further emotions, complex issues and adjusting to other losses.Some examples are: change in residence or parental roles, a move to another geographic location, adjusting your daily routines, a new job or having to go back to work, a new school for children, a decrease in financial earnings, increased stress, and many more.
Don’t “Should” on Yourself
Don’t let anyone, including yourself tell you how you “should” feel. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on”, “let go” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you need to feel without judgment. We all heal in our own time and space. It’s okay to be angry, yell, cry, etc. It’s also okay to laugh, find moments of joy and humor, be happy and to let go when you’re ready. Grieving can be a moment to moment experience. One minute you can be “ok” focused on daily tasks at hand then the next walloped in grief by hearing a song that reminds you of the loss. Be kind to yourself do what you need to do from moment to moment.
Feelings
Trying to avoid feelings associated with grief and loss only results in prolonging the process. It is important for people to feel the emotions associated with the loss and express themselves in ways that are meaningful and important to them. Expressing emotions in a healthy, physical way allows energy and emotions to flow and move out of the body. You may find it helpful to walk, do yoga, dance, exercise, or other enjoyable activities. If thoughts and feelings are not shared and expressed it is possible that this can lead to unresolved and complicated grief. At times, when grief is unresolved people reach for ways to cope that may be unhealthy for them such as turning to alcohol, drugs, and other addictions.
Self Expression
Self expression comes in many forms. When expressing yourself around death and loss, tapping into one’s natural abilities and creative talents is a good place to start. Some ideas are: making a memory box, writing and performing a song, painting a mural, sculpting a statue of a special time you and the person shared, putting together a photo montage, creating a memorial or holding an annual fundraiser. Whatever your form of self expression is, utilize what you already know to express your truest self and feelings.
Moving Forward
People find comfort in: maintaining routines prior to a death or loss, carrying on the same or even making new rituals and traditions, talking, sharing memories and stories, and eventually beginning to create a new future that has importance and meaning despite the death or loss. Take your time and be kind to yourself. As you are moving forward it is important to prepare and plan for important milestones like anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc. Share with others how you want to acknowledge these milestones and what support you need during those times.
Death – is the finality of the physical form for humans, animals and all living creatures. Death is a sensitive subject to most. Many people look to their cultural, familial, and religious beliefs for cues on how to grief, act, think and behave when it comes to death. For most of us we may perceive how we would handle a situation if it were to happen to us, but when it actually happens our experience of it may be totally different. Death can have this impact and each death can also carry a different experience. Circumstances surrounding a person’s death may complicate one’s ability to cope with the death. People’s past experiences of death, how they were raised or what they were taught also have an influence on how people grief.
Families and Death
Death in itself can be very isolating. Although well intend, sometimes family, friends, colleagues, and co-workers often have difficulty knowing what to say or do when it comes to someone experiencing grief due to a death. The discomfort people feel in knowing what to do or say can further perpetuate feeling alone, lonely, and isolated. It is always helpful to ask the person that is grieving what they need, how you can support them and how to talk to them about the death of their loved one. People will appreciate your asking rather than you trying to figure it out. Often people will share with you exactly what they need in that moment.
At times when families experience a death it can be complicated because people grief in their own time and in their own way. While one family member may be angry at the deceased, the situation, or people another family member may have began the process of accepting the death. At times it can be difficult to know how or what to do to support your own family member when you yourself are grieving. A gentle reminder, we all grieve in our own time and way. We need to allow people to grieve in a way that is meaningful, supportive and beneficial to them. At times it may be beneficial for families to seek out a qualified Mental Health Professional to assist the family in the journey of healing from grief.
* If you feel you or your family may benefit from extra support during your time of need please feel free to contact us at (954) 401-9011 or through our website.
By Katie Lemieux