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Couples Counseling Coral Springs

Give Your Relationship a “Labor Day”

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If I asked you what Labor Day and your relationship have in common, how would you answer the question? It might be hard at first. Read below to find out why it’s so important to give your relationship a “Labor Day”. 

Unlike other holidays throughout the year, like Memorial Day, the Fourth of July, and Veteran’s Day, Labor Day is one of those holidays which gets a lot of love but little understanding. Created during the Industrial Revolution, when twelve hour days, seven days a work was the normal working schedule for the average American, Labor Day was meant to honor workers and provide a much needed day of rest.Couples Counseling Coral Springs

What does Labor Day mean to us now? For many couples and families it’s a welcome day off from work, right after the start of the school year in some parts of the country.

So what does this have to do with your relationship? Recently, I began rewatching old episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and I found myself noticing how often the theme of career versus relationships or families was referenced. The title character struggles with how her childhood was marked by frequent absences from her mother, due to her demanding career as a surgeon.

It seems many couples fail to understand, or understand yet fail to act on, the idea of a relationship being largely like a job; a good job, hopefully, but a job none the less. A job is something that requires you to show up, be present, focus on tasks, and commit to seeing through to its completion. Sounds nothing like a relationship, does it? I beg to differ. Relationships are work; again, hopefully good work, yet work all the same.

Couples who struggle with intimacy and romance in later years often cite similar complaints: “The romance is gone” or “He/she simply doesn’t try anymore” maybe even, “It’s not like it was when we first started dating.” That initial spark which initially attracted the two of you together has slowly dimmed and gone are the days of couples taking the extra time or effort on one another. Couples may find the little things they do for each other taken for granted and unrecognized.

Just like Labor Day was created to acknowledge the hard work of the average American, couples should create time or ways to acknowledge one another’s hard work in the relationship. Each couple will find a different way of creating this time or way of showing appreciation to one another and below are some ideas to get your started on the path of appreciation with your partner:

  • Create a morning ritual
    • Most couples may have the same work schedule of 9 to 5; for those that don’t, getting quality time together before or after work can be a challenge. Something as simple as making a pot of coffee or preparing breakfast if your partner wakes after you can positively impact the rest of your partner’s day and your relationship. If you’re lucky enough to have mornings together, use an extra few minutes to share that cup of coffee or breakfast and start your day connecting.
  • Say “Thank You”
    • In my blog “Top 10 Tips for Saving Your Marriage” I write about ways couples can strengthen the relationship and tip number five is “Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude”. You’d be surprised how much of a difference a simple “Thank you” can make in a person’s day. Test it out: thank one of your co-workers for taking out the trash or getting something to you on time. Notice how it changes the interaction between the two of you. Then, test it out on your partner.
  • Dismiss distractions
    • Experts agree the bed and bedroom should be reserved for only two activities: sleeping and sex. If you find yourself with your TV, iPad, tablet, laptop, or even cell phone ignoring your spouse as you surf the web, take a break from electronics in the bedroom. See if you can go at least three days without electronics in the bedroom and talk to your spouse before going to sleep. Your quality of sleep won’t be the only thing that improves.
  • Anywhere but here
    • It might be too tempting to fall into everyday routines at home; there are chores to complete and easy access to all your (de)vices. Schedule a getaway for you and your partner (even if it’s a small staycation, a one night stay at a local hotel). This one requires a bit of commitment and planning on your part, unless both you and your partner are spontaneous and enjoy last minute decisions. Labor Day is a perfect time of your for a short getaway.

No one wants to think of their relationship as work; yet to ignore the fact that relationships take work would do a disservice to you and your partner, creating resentment and anger in the relationship. This Labor Day, instead of focusing on the barbeques and all the chores you’ll catch up on around the house, take a moment to focus on your relationship. If the chores are done with your partner, great! Just don’t forget about your partner and the hard work he or she is putting in the relationship. If you find yourself feeling like perhaps you or your partner need a little boost bigger than just Labor Day, I’m always here to chat, Katie Lemieux, LMFT www.FamilyAndCouplesCounseling.com

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Coral Springs Premarital Counseling

3 Reasons Why You Should Do Premarital Counseling

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This episode of The Couples Corner, we had the opportunity to sit down with Michelle Scharlop, LMFT of Plantation Relationship Counseling and discuss the benefits of premarital counseling, including three tips for those thinking about getting married or anyone who is already engaged.

  1. Focus on the Relationship

Wedding planning can be a stressful time in a couple’s life. There is so much involved in wedding planning, from picking out the flowers, the wedding dress, the cake, the honeymoon, and all the myriad of other little details, that the focus of the relationship can get lost and be put on the back burner. In premarital counseling, couples can take the time to focus on their relationship and connect, since the goal of any wedding is to have a successful marriage.

Coral Springs Premarital Counseling

  1. Get on the Same Page

Although most couples may think they’re on the same page about important things before they get married, it’s important to really explore those deeper issues that can occur later in the marriage and cause problems. Everything from finances to children, religion, household chores, even the expectations we hold about married life is fuel for an impending fire if each person in the couple is unaware of what the other is thinking. How often marriage counselors hear, “I wish I had known that before we got married.” Premarital counseling can help prepare for the hurricane before the hurricane, discussing those rare life events couples may face like unemployment or a sudden financial crisis. Couples can avoid these difficult conversations when they are happening often making it worse because of fear due or  lack of communication skills, but in fact, Michelle’s final tip is…

  1. Be Proactive

One of the benefits of premarital counseling is that the counselor will help couples who may be struggling with effective communication develop those skills. The counselor will help couples discuss difficult areas when a disagreement in the relationship arises. While many people still view counseling a slightly stigmatized, counseling can be very similar to coaching, in that who doesn’t want to learn how to have a better relationship?

Couples Time Together Beating Boredom

10 Ways for Couples to Beat Boredom

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As we say goodbye to the long and lazy days of July, which coincidentally was National Anti-Boredom Month. For those of you who may be feeling the weight of all the free time summer has to offer, you may also be searching for things to do with your spouse or partner. Here, you’ll find 10 ways for couples to beat boredom. 

1.DIY

Summer time is the perfect time to finish up those little (or large) house projects you and your partner have been putting off. Paint the guest bedroom that new color. But don’t stop there! Once you’ve completed your project, celebrate that success and your teamwork with your partner.

2. Celebrate the little things

Kids away at camp? Celebrate! Planned and executed a (semi) successful family vacation? Celebrate! No matter the size of the event, celebrate your success. While not everything may warrant popping an expensive bottle of champagne, simply thinking about your success can do wonders.

3. Host a BBQCouples Time Together Beating Boredom

July 4th may have passed but that’s no reason not to have friends and family over for some quality time (Especially since you may have a new deck patio to use or a refreshed guest room in need of some guests, if you followed tip

4. Build a Sand Castle

If you’re lucky enough to live near a beach or even a lake, building a sand castle with your loved one can be fun.  You might even consider this a metaphor for your current relationship, as all relationships take work and the stability of your sand castle will depend largely on how strongly you’ve built your foundation. For those of you who may be landlocked this summer with little to no sand in sight, stop by Michaels to pick up some sand or make you own!

5. Pokemon GO

I can’t believe I am even suggesting this, but this tip comes from a couple I actually work with.  Before Pokemon GO the wife walked the neighborhood by herself with the kids.  Intro Pokemon GO she and her husband went from 0 walks a week to 3 together.  A cool way for technology to bring some fun and exercise to a couple.  

6. Get Outdoors

Get outdoors with your loved one. Water sports, like paddle boarding and kayaking, can be more enjoyable when you’re hot and sweaty, as the water will more than likely cool you off rather than chill you like during some colder months. Hiking nature trails early before it gets too hot may show you some local flora and fauna you’ve never dreamed you’d see.

7. See a movie

Summers are known for their blockbuster and family hits, so spend an afternoon at the theaters with your partner. Not big on theaters? Try watching a movie at home, with some popped popcorn, blankets, drinks of your choice, and lights dimmed. It’s all about attitude when it comes to beating the boredom and even something most of us take for granted.

8. Wash the Car

Chores? Over the summer? Forget it! But not just yet. There’s a reason films like Bad Teacher and Charlie’s Angels feature car wash scenes. There’s something sultry about getting soapy with your significant other and being able to spray them with water.

9. Expand Your Knowledge

It is a great time to take a course with your partner.  How is your financial health?   Perhaps take a course on estate planning, retirement, investing, cooking, etc.  I know some of those don’t sound sexy but they can be very important and necessary in the legacy of your family and relationship.  

10. Take it to 2 Wheels

Bicycling is a great way to spend summertime and the health benefits are just an added bonus. Wedding Crashers shows how much fun a summertime bike ride can be with someone you love. Break out the bikes, break out a sweat, and get moving!  Rent a 2 seater bike and bike together, go teamwork.

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Coral Springs Couples Counseling Sex Therapy

Putting the Spark Back in your Sex Life

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Coral Springs Couples Counseling Sex Therapy What would you say if I told you that you have all the answers to solve your relationship frustrations with you at this very moment? What would you say if I told you the biggest sex organ was not between your legs but between your ears? Pretty crazy, huh? Not as much as you’d think. I had a chance to sit down with Dr. Amy Demner, a clinical sexologist, for a recent episode of my series Couples Corner and below is a recap of what we discussed. She helped get to the route of putting the spark back in your sex life.

We’re all managers

You read that right. Whether you like it or not, right now you’re a manager, and your spouse is too. But what exactly are you managing? Your life. It’s the comfortable (or not so, in some cases) place we find ourselves in after years of learning how to manage getting through daily life. Some might even liken it to autopilot. We become so accustomed to the routine and what to expect, that it changes the dynamic of our relationship from how it was in the beginning. A new relationship is exactly that: it’s new, it’s exciting, we’re trying to figure our partner out, while also letting them figure us out as well.

If you want to bring the spark back into your relationship, you need to retrain your brain. This requires a little bit of practice. Dr. Demner gives an examples of how changing the automatic thoughts in our brain surrounding our spouse or partner (like “I wish he’d picked up that wet towel off the floor “ to “You know, he smelled really nice this morning”) can actually act as a mental primer for better sex even before we make it into the bedroom.

We’re also mechanics

You might be thinking to yourself, “I thought we were managers, now we’re mechanics?”. Well, it turns out, we’re both. If I had to guess, I’d guess that these are two careers you never expected yourself to have in your life and here, you’d already had them twice, in the same relationship.

Dr. Demner talks about how over time, as we become better at managing our lives, our families, and our relationships, we lose that initial interest and our sex becomes mechanical. We’ve figured out what works, what doesn’t work, what buttons to push, and we lose the simplest but most meaningful way to connect with our partner: through a kiss. An atmosphere of fun and silliness can make a world of difference in the bedroom and change the whole way you and your partner connect.

And lastly… the repairman…

For couples who do not follow the above strategies in their relationship, who engage in more negative than positive thinking and fail to find those little moments in which they can connect, Dr. Demner provides the following advice on how to repair, or mend, and relationship:

Resolve other issues to resolve sex issues.

Frustrations about the little things have a funny way of bleeding into other areas of our lives (i.e. our sexual relationships) and becoming evening bigger things. Appreciating your partner, inside and outside the bedroom, has a way of easing tensions and creating a more pleasant atmosphere within the relationship.

So there you have it, a quick recap of our time on the Couple’s Corner. Watch the full video here and for more great videos, visit our webpage The Couple’s Corner. 

A Transformation of Love Through Time

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Dr. Sue Johnson, renowned psychologist, therapist, author, and presenter postulates that throughout time, love is continually transformed. Before modern society as we currently know it, families lived off the land, working farms, and lived in small, close knit community villages. The main reason for marrying during this period of time was to inherit more land, wealth, security, and produce offspring who would eventually take over the farm or family business and care for their parents in old age. The idea of two people coming together because of mutual feelings of love or a deep connection simply wasn’t the case. The focus in this time was on survival and staying within the community, as it provided food, shelter, and protection.

Fast forward past the agricultural age and into the industrial era and a bit beyond and we find that more often that women chose men for financial security. Many women were unemployed and uneducated during this time, so love was not a factor in the equation of relationships or marriage. Again, we see a need for wealth, security, and protection as a principal motivating factor for individuals to join in marriage. Dr. Sue Johnson even states that until the eighties, love as a reason for getting married was about fifth on the list when ranking reasons for marriage.

Fast forward to our present day and the primary reason for relationships and marriage is love. Love, an emotional connectedness so important to the couple that is surpasses all else in our lives and our partners our spouses become our loves, our friends, and our community all in one, placing an important, yet heavy load on the romantic relationship. Gone are the days when we connected with other for our mere survival, or are they? Love, and loving in a mature, adult manner, is about being connected to others as a means of survival, much like that of a newborn infant or small child, whose entire existence depends on the quality of the connectedness and attachment with its parents. As adults, we continue to choose partners based on the desire to survive, through the need for attachment and bonding. We cannot live without relationships. Sure, you might think of yourself as capable of living alone in a remote location somewhere, but even then you would rely on your relationship with others (maybe not human). You would rely on your relationship with plants and animals to feed and clothe you; you would rely on your relationship with the sun to guide you and inform you of directions, time of day, and changing seasons; you would rely on your relationship with water to hydrate and clean you. In today’s capitalist society, we have a relationship with money that puts our orange juice, eggs, and bacon on the table every morning.

Numerous studies have been conducted on orphans, prisoners, and other isolated individuals to study the power behind love, bonding, and connection and conversely, its effects when denied. In early childhood development, attachment is so important that a lack of connection to a secure attachment figure (most likely the mother, father, or other major caregiver) who was reliable and available results in physical alterations to the anatomy and chemistry of the brain, such as reduced brain activity and less developed cortexes.

In our Western society, which can be considered the North and South America, Europe, and Australia or any other country with a heavy European influence, we value the individual and independence. In Eastern societies, like those found in India and much of Asia, family and community are more highly valued than the individual. In both societies, the role of the spouse or partner is above all else and when our partner does something that is hurtful or commits an act of betrayal, our world comes crashing down. If you take these moments of hurt and betrayal  that occur daily, weekly, and monthly; however, small and multiply them by days, months, and years, we find that individuals within relationships feel hurt, disappointed, and disconnected. In this way, we are still deeply connected to our ancestral roots of why we choose to engage in a relationship, love, and marry. Dr. Johnson states that love is “a constant process of tuning in, connecting, missing, misreading cues, disconnecting, repairing, and finding a deeper connection. It is a dance of meeting and parting, in finding each other again, minute by minute, day by day.”

In our current time, since our partners and spouses tend to have many roles to fulfill as our partner, lover, friend, etc. couples and marriage counseling is a useful way for us to learn how to maintain that deep level of connection between two people that we crave and seek out to feel whole. Many therapists or counselors who aren’t formally trained in marriage and family therapy tend to help couples create simple solutions to their complex problems, but they don’t really get at the heart of what’s going on within the relationship and work to fix the root of the concern. Some of these simple and often ineffective for the long term solutions might look like creating a budget for a financially struggling couple, or a book on pleasure, a new sex position, or weekend away for a couple whose concern is that their sex live is no longer exciting and taken a turn towards mundane and routine. Although these solutions help in short-term and address the symptom, they fail to create long lasting connection, understanding, change for these couples. Couples often fall victim to a chronic pattern of poor communication that results in feeling criticized, attacked, and defensive. This pattern continues, round and round on a proverbial hamster wheel of arguments with no end in sight. Working with a couples counselor, who is trained in working with couples, will have the experience and knowledge necessary to assist you and your partner in interrupting and changing this poor communication style. For more information on couples counseling, feel free to visit my website www.FamilyAndCouplesCounseling.com and go to the “For Couples” tab.  You will find a lot of different information to assist you on your journey!

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15 MORE Ways to Make Your Relationship Sizzle This Summer”

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I know you are probably reading the title and asking yourself, “Where did I miss the original 15 ways to make my relationship sizzle?”  Guess what you haven’t!  If you like this fun list of ideas and want more at the end of this blog just click on the hyperlink to get an additional 15 ways, 30 in all!  We always love to hear your feedback, so feel free to let us know how these ideas made your love life sizzle this summer.

1.      Have a day with no agenda – the only 2 things on it should be the 2 of you.

2.    Check out a live band or go to an outdoor concert.  Rock out, jam out, or dance the night away with your love.

3.    Read a romantic or sexually charged novel together.

4.    Lie on a raft or in a hammock together and talk about your shared dreams and goals.

5.    Create a new summer tradition.

6.    Make a summer project together.  You can pick seashells and make a craft out of it.  You can take pictures of each thing you did this summer and make a memory or scrapbook.  What will you do?

7.     Take a couples’ yoga class.

8.    Take your honey and go buy some new summer attire, try it on for him or her and let your partner pick what he or she likes on you.

9.    Get involved in a sport’s activity whether it is on a team, a day event, fundraiser, or just for recreation.  Play on the same team and flirt during the game, give your partner a friendly “good game” slap on the butt, whisper what you would like to do later, steal a kiss just like stealing 3rd base…

10.   Turn on a slow song, hold each other close and dance in your living room.  “Being a good dancer” is not a required, so no excuses here!

11.     Kiss for the entire duration of a stoplight.

12.   Play Twister, if you don’t have it just create it!

13.  Find a waterfall you can swim under and have a passionate kiss.  You can pretend you are shooting a love scene in a movie.  If you have to make your own waterfall, a hose will work too.

14.  Plan a weekend “surprise” summer getaway for your beloved.

15.  Make a favorite drink of yours and sit out on the deck and talk about nothing and everything.

CLICK HERE for those 15 additional HOT and SPICY ways to make your relationship sizzle this summer!

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Katie Lemieux, LMFT

www.FamilyAndCouplesCounseling.com

pina-colada

What Does a Pina Colada Have to Do With Rediscovering Your Partner…

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pina-coladaAs a couples counselor my work is profoundly rewarding. I love being the catalyst that reignites a spark between the partners I work with deepening their connection, love, intimacy, friendship, understanding and compassion for one another.  The majority of the work I do is with couples.  My work with couples is a reciprocal relationship, one in which my couples don’t even realize the benefit that I receive watching the magic unfold in the counseling room.  In meeting couples for the first time I am educating them on not only the process but also the dance they have been doing.  I share and explain to them what is happening or occurring in their relationship and why.  They often listen intently with heads nodding as if I have been a fly on the wall for the majority of the time they have been together when the disconnection and distance started to slowly seep in.  I get the process, I see the process and how it unfolds, and I see what creates and sustains it.

The reciprocity happens for me when I sit and watch couples communicate and connect after teaching them new tools and guidelines for communicating and connecting.  As they share, open up and connect sometimes I see and hear myself in their words.  As they share with one another they bring new awareness to my relationship, of course I don’t disclose that, but I can often find myself saying, “huh that is interesting that is exactly how I feel”.  My work is a beautiful thing!

Through my work as a couple’s therapist I get to help two people connect with one another again. I love watching couples increase their emotional intimacy, willingness to share and be vulnerable with their partner. I get to spend my time helping people reconnect and rediscover one another no matter how long they’ve been together.  I am honored and privileged to be a part of the deep intimacy that occurs in my therapy room between 2 people. Being just three or four feet away from people who are able to connect and share genuinely their fears, worries, hopes, dreams, desires and longings is not an experience most people get to witness.  I am often touched as I watch things transpire and unfold in the room.

As our work gets underway, and I teach couples new ways of being and communicating, I can’t tell you the number of times that couples have said to one another, “I didn’t know that about you. I’ve never heard you say it that way, or I had no idea.” Watching this in session reminds me of the “Pina Colada Song”. If you’ve never heard the “Pina Colada Song” it describes perfectly what I get to watch evolve in couples counseling as I help couples communicate and re-connect in their relationship.

If you’ve never heard the lyrics I will give you the “Reader’s Digest” version.  The song is about a couple who has fallen out of love and has gotten into the “same old mundane routine”, one that I am sure that many of us can relate to.  The man in the relationship decides one night to look into the personal ads as his woman is sleeping by his side.  He finds this captivating ad and is intrigued by it. He decides to respond to the ad without informing his partner.  He writes a catchy ad back to this woman expressing the things that he is into.  He tells her, “I need to meet you by tomorrow noon at a bar called O’Malley’s where we will plan our escape.”

So, he waits in anticipation of meeting this woman.  As he walks into O’Malley’s, the bar, and looks around for this woman he sees and recognizes her instantly.  He says, “I knew her smile in an instant and the curve of her face.  It’s my own lovely lady and she said uh, it’s you. We laughed for a moment, and I said I never knew.”  What happens in the song is that they reconnect on things that they never knew that one another enjoyed, things like drinking pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, drinking champagne, and making love on the dunes at the cape, . Ultimately what they were looking for was something that they had always had within each other.

I hear so many stories of couples who resemble the “Pina Colada Song”. They’ve been in their relationship long-term and have grown distant. They haven’t discovered ways to connect or reconnect. Many times couples try to insert solutions into their relationship in an attempt to circumvent the challenges they have. I tell couples it’s often not their fault because they don’t have the training, education, or knowledge on how to communicate deeply in a space where it’s safe to be exposed and vulnerable. I share with them that our work together is not about creating solutions but moving from the upstairs, our brain, to downstairs, our hearts. The process is about feelings, connection and love.   When we deeply connect with ourselves, share and feel validated by our partner new “solutions” naturally arise between two people shifting and transforming the course of their relationship and lives.   Just for fun, here is the song… Enjoy!

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What Does Fried Lemonade Have To Do With Enhancing Your Relationship?

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Wow, some time has passed since I have reached out to you all or “y’all” as they say in Texas. I just flew back Sunday night from Dallas and had the pleasure of meeting some really cool folks all the while getting to expand my “Treasure Box” of interventions and tools to help couples. I also took a spin by the state fair, did you know that they serve “Fried Lemonade” there! I had to consult Google to really understand it. It was a frenzy of fried food – Fried Oreos, Fried Pumpkin Pie, Fried Butter, and the list went on.

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While in Dallas, I attended the Gottman Level III conference this past week and weekend put on by National Marriage Seminars. My practice continues to expand with a keen focus on couples work. I think it is because I just love, love and want to help others remember why they fell in love and help them create AMAZING relationships. So what does “Fried Lemonade” have to do with having a better relationship…trying new things of course! I mean, unless you are a Texaner I bet you have never tried Fried Lemonade either. I wanted to share with you a few fun ideas. Drs. Julie and John Gottman, the creators of the researched based “Gottman Method of Couples Therapy”, identify 3 main areas in helping couples expand their relationship. Those 3 areas are: Managing Conflict, Building on Friendship, and Creating Shared Meaning.

I personally love the “Building on Friendship” area because it fits with my fresh, fun, and clever side.  Here are 10 NEW things I recommend to build on your friendship and make things FUN in a stressful world.

1. Buy a board game and have game night.

2. Grab the game Loaded Questions and just ask one another questions or text them to each other during the day. You can utilize this as a family game as well. Great way to engage those teens too! I have used this in working with teens, you get to tap into their world in a whole new way.

3. I came across this cool book written by Dr. Michele O’Mara an Indiana based therapist. She has a very focused practice working with lesbian and transgender couples. She wrote a book called, “Just Ask: 1000 Questions to Grow Your Relationship.” Here is a fun one, question #361 – “Do you have any routines or behaviors that you engage in every day that many others do not?”  I know you are thinking about this right now, and your answer is…????

4. Gottman – Love Map Cards, This deck of cards helps you understand one another’s world. You can play these cards in a variety of ways. Answer them yourself, answer them about each other, or my favorite… answer them about your mate through a friendly and fun game of Pictionary. If you ever decide to enter couples counseling with me we can DEFINITELY play this, just remind me!

5. Gottman – Building Ritual of Connections and Opportunity Cards.  This is a GREAT way to talk about ways to connect with your partner.  For example what are your rituals when you: depart in the morning?  come back together at the end of the day?  are away on a trip?

6. I came across this book in the store.  “What I Love About You and Me.” I just recently ordered it.  It is a fill in the blank book.  It will get you and your other half talking about the love you have for one another.

airplane7. Make a bucket list together.  I am adding to mine – “fly first class to a foreign country with my beloved beside me.”  What is on yours?

8. Take a class together. I met a Texas based therapist, Stephanie Coker of Coker Counseling, who did a couples improv comedy class with her husband. How fun is that! I will be looking for one of those in my state.

9. Act out a love scene of a movie, over dramatize it just for fun!

10. Check out the “If…” books. Here is one, “If…On The Game of Love.” One of the questions from the book is, “If you could have a massage from anyone famous, who would it be?”

BONUS – this one comes from a  really cool couple I currently work with. They introduced me to the “Heads Up” app.  We actually played it at the start of a session.  I love when the people I work with teach me new and cool things!  They play it everywhere and anywhere.

So, I just gave you 10 FUN things to do with your beloved, friends, family, teens, anyone really, AND I made it REALLY easy for you.  Even though you should probably be working just click on a hyperlink of one of the things that might interest you and if it moves you, order it and take TOTAL credit when you bring it home to your other half.  Tell him or her that YOU thought of this cool and creative idea unless he or she read this blog then that won’t go over so well. Either way, I won’t be offended by you taking full credit, just email me the result of trying one of these 10 things and that will be all the reward I need… YOU having a more fulfilling relationship. See you soon!

by Katie Lemieux

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15 Ways to Make Your Relationship Sizzle This Summer

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Are you ready for some fresh, fun and clever tips to make your relationship sizzle like the summer heat??? Perfect, then keep reading!

  1. Share an ice cream cone and feed each other.
  2. Take a trip to the beach, a park or any place you deem a natural beauty.   Spread out a blanket, sit on a bench or a rock and take an oath of at least 15 minutes of silence.  Just be in the space with nature and your partner.   Utilize all your 5 senses to fully experience this moment.  When the time is up, turn face-to-face, touch, and talk about your experience and what you noticed.
  3. Sit in a quiet place face-to-face, Indian style or on chairs.  One partner closes his/her eyes and the other partner gently caresses the other one (the partner being caressed keeps his/her eyes closed) for 5 minutes.  Touch the face, ears, hands, fingertips, knees, back of neck, etc.  Partner one breath deeply in and out and focus ALL your attention on each touch.  After the 5 minutes is up open your eyes, and both of you share about your experience, then switch.
  4. Skinny Dip – PS – make sure you don’t get caught.
  5. BBQ sauce isn’t just for chicken or for a summer BBQ – lick the BBQ sauce off your partner’s fingers.
  6. Wrestle in the water.  Make it a game where the winner wins and the loser wins!
  7. Recreate and relive a summer memory the 2 of you enjoyed.
  8. After a day out enjoying the summer sun, bathe one another; don’t forget to apply lotion after your shower or bath.  I can’t be responsible for what happens after or before that, for that matter.
  9. For fun and for “old times sake” write a love letter to your sweetie in your handwriting and mail it to him or her.  You can even send it to his or her work.
  10. Sit by a campfire or make your own, roast marshmallows and feed each other S’mores.  Use other ingredients like your favorite chocolate bar or a different type of “cracker”.  Just for, fun, together, create a new name for it.
  11. Red lights = kisses, at each red light give one another a kiss.
  12. Do an Internet search for “sex tips” and try several of them out.
  13. Find a roof top or somewhere secluded and watch the sunset or sunrise, pair this intimate moment with delicious foods and/or drink.
  14. Declare War – have a squirt gun fight.
  15. Looking to build and create trust, then take your sweetheart rock climbing.  This is a great way to increase trust in your partner and increase your listening and communication.

* Did you like these 15 tips to make your relationship sizzle?  If so sign up for our newsletter to receive more great tips.

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by Katie Lemieux

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25 Ways to Have Fun and Be Playful in Your Relationship

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Below, I share with you some creative ways to express your love and have FUN!  As always feel free to share with others, and it is actually encouraged!  I mean who doesn’t want more love, better communication and connection in their lives!

  1. Play Lover’s Olympics – no money needed just some creativity.  Don’t forget a special prize for the winner.  Some ideas are:
    • Shot for Shot – paper and a trash can
    • Race – from one point to another
    • Timed Task – who can complete a task the fastest
  2. PILLOW FIGHT!!! Enough said – so much fun and great stress relief.
  3. Have an “Attitude of Gratitude” – write down 25 or more things you appreciate about your beloved, take turns sharing with one another what you wrote.
  4. Go on a trust walk – one person leads the other while blindfolded and then switch.  Talk about the experience, how well did you trust this person?  Was this an easy task or hard task, why?
  5. Have a surprise day for no reason, surprise your beloved with something as if it was a special occasion.
  6. Stop saying “no” and start saying “yes” to your partner’s wishes for one evening.  Remember to take turns, perhaps go ride bikes and race to see who wins.
  7. Feed one another – chocolate, ice cream, or any yummy treat your partner loves.   For extra surprise and fun…blindfold the receiver.
  8. Discuss something you would like to change within your daily regimen, such as going to bed. Perhaps you hold each other and talk about 10 good things about your day or you move the TV out of the bedroom.
  9. Get reacquainted – ask each other interesting questions the will enhance and deepen your connection and understanding of one another and that facilitate conversation.  Such as:
    • If you could never speak again how would you express your love to me?
    • What was your first thought when we met?
    • What was your favorite part of your childhood?
    • What is one value you learned growing up that you bring into our relationship today?
    • If we only had one more day together how would we spend it?
    • Power Outage – pretend for 1 night there is a power outage in your home!  No electronics, no stove, no microwave, what would the 2 of you do?  This one is also great for parents and kids.
    • Water balloon fight!!!  I have done this before and it was sooo much fun. We laughed, we plotted, we bombed each other with water balloons. At the end we were both wet and had a great laugh. Best done outside, just saying!
  10. Cook a meal together – select the meal, shop for the ingredients, and divvy out the tasks.   Cook, eat, and make sure you clean up together.
  11. Just for fun make out like when you were younger.
  12. Get silly – play a game of “Simon Says”.
  13. Thumb Wrestle – may the best thumb win!
  14. Game Night – pull out a board game, bring on the appetizers and enjoy.  Make sure there is a prize for the winner.
  15. Roll the dice – grab 2 dice, for 1 of the die assign tasks such as 1 = hug, 2 = kiss, 3 = foot massage so on and so forth.  For the other die this would be for the amount of times or minutes.  For example, roll the pair of dice.   On 1 die you roll a 3 and the other die rolled 6.  This would be a 6-minute foot massage.  There is no telling where you can go with this game, but keep the TMI to yourself :o)
  16. Snuggle!!!!  I have to say this is my favorite past, present and ALL time.
  17. Eye Gazing – sit on the floor Indian style or in a chair knee to knee and gaze into each other’s eyes for a period of time without words.  This is a VERY intimate exercise.  Many people have a hard time with this level of intimacy, you may giggle or laugh, some may even cry, it is all good!  You are showing your true self to your partner.
  18. Take a walk or a stroll hand in hand if you feel like it break out into a skip, hop like a kangaroo, just get your silly on!
  19. Get your jammies on, put the jazz, R & B or whatever you fancy for music and have a dessert night.
  20. Do something fun you have never done before.  Groupon and Living Social or so great for these ideas.  Just plan something already!
  21. Either create a bucket list or get out your bucket list, go down the list and start planning to make one of those items a reality.  This year I will have fulfilled 3 items on my list!
  22. “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.” ~ John Lennon.  Don’t let life pass you by without really living it.
  23. Pick an activity you used to do when you were dating and go recreate the moment.
  24. “Adventure Night” – this one comes directly from me to you!  It is a Katie special.  This is one of my favorites.  You get in the car and the passenger picks a direction to drive. The driver starts driving, then the passenger continues to choose different directions without any agenda. You drive with no specific purpose and then you start looking around and find something new and fun to do.  This is a great way to take the pressure off anyone person for having to make a decision and choosing the same ole, same ole stuff to do.
  25. Feel free to write us, tweets us, or inbox us to tell us how you did and what was most useful! We always love to hear how we helped reignite the spark. Northerners don’t forget to send us your most creative snow people replicas!Like the 25 Playful Tips?  Sign up for our newsletters and receive more great information.

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    Katie Lemieux, LMFT – Lemieux Solutions Unlimited, LLC
    Katie@FamilyAndCouplesCounseling.com
    By Katie Lemieux